"Do-Over"

Okay, I need to have a "do-over" here...my recent posts have been very negative and depressing, so here goes..!!

YAY!! We have a court date! WOO-HOO! It wasn't when we had hoped, but God knows what He's doing and we're jumping through whatever hoop this judge puts in front of us, so that we can finally, officially, be Ava's Mommy and Daddy!!

We have all "do-over's" in our paperwork done TODAY, so we will head to Columbus, AGAIN:), on Monday for those wonderful shiny gold stickers that I really think I pronounce incorrectly, but whatever!!! YAAAAYYYY again!!!!! And I'm really going to stop saying, "This is the last trip to Columbus, I promise!" to my kids...because apparently I'm not in control of this adoption at ALL...who knew!!:)

Let's see, what else??? Did I mention I have to return a huge bag of spring baby clothes, and exchange them for summer ones?? Okay, that might be fun...:)

Prayer requests on my heart today...

1. For a smooth trip to Columbus and a happy landing of our paperwork, via FedEx, in Oregon and Bulgaria.

2. For my spiritual life..quiet time with the Lord is a choice and sometimes I don't choose wisely...sitting quietly with Jesus is difficult for us "Martha" types(did I mention I have 5 children under 10...and I homeschool...and)...Also, for peace and faith to travel the remainder of this adoption road with all it's unknowns!

3. For the judge's heart...that we would find favor with him, and if possible that he would move up our court date a little:)...he gave us "extra" time to get the requested paperwork together, but since we don't need it...we're praying he'll move it up!

4. For our sweet Bulgarian princess...that she is healthy, safe, loved, and disciplined too...that she will somehow remember us, and not be afraid to leave the orphanage with us. We know she HATES cars AND leaving the orphanage, so we really need prayers for Jesus to comfort her heart as we put her in a car for 4 hours, and then a plane for 10..YIKES! I'm pulling out all the tricks to make sure she's happy on the trips...starting with candy! Hey, don't judge me;)!

5. For finances...flying in June or July will cost about $2000 more than it did in January, so this is a biggy! We're debating me going alone if we can't come up with all of it....YIKES again!

6. For my bloggy friend Kelly, who I'm almost sure Jesus put in my path for more reasons than just this adoption;), that she'll get a court date soon!

7. And for sweet Chrissie Patterson..her story is amazing, and I've never seen God move in such amazing ways as I have this past week!!! Yay GOD!!!! Click the button in the top left corner to pray for her...you will be blessed beyond measure:)!

Today

Today I'm burdened...

Today I'm exhausted with waiting....

Today I want this to just be over.....

Today I'm a bucket of nerves and tears...and tears...and more tears!

Today I'm extremely sad for some reason......

Today I realized just HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL!!!!

Today I want to hold her.....

Today I pray, but it seems so empty....

Today I wait...for someone to tell me I'm her Mommy...when in my heart I already AM!

Today I'm so thankful for friends who are praying for me...because I really don't have the strength.

Today....

But maybe TOMORROW.....God WILL.....!

Surrender

Today, no whining, I promise:). The recurring theme of the past couple of days has been "surrender"... This word is right up there with "submission" when it comes to difficulty in putting into practice. But it's what my God requires..surrender to His timeframe, His plan, His hopes for us.

So VERY, VERY difficult! I feel as though I'm giving up on my daughter...

But, I'm not...I won't give up interceding for her before the throne of a just and righteous God!! I won't give up hoping and praying for God to intervene NOW!!! I won't stop thinking about and loving her from an ocean away!!!

There is a balance to be had between surrendering to whatever God ordains for our family, and still believing that He is able and, many times, more than willing to answer our heart's cry for help! There is room for both!:) Delicate, difficult, balance.

My children are watching today...watching to see if I'm "thankful in all circumstances"...watching to see if I really do trust Jesus to bring our little girl home...watching me storm the gates of heaven on her behalf...watching to see if God really answers prayers...WATCHING!!!

And maybe today you are watching too, bloggy friends, to see if I'm going to trust the One who laid down His life to adopt ME...if I'm going to let Him be in control(when I want so much to do it myself)...watching me struggle with, what I've discovered, is my very teeny tiny faith...

So for today, I will rest in HIM(and His great love for me), wait for HIM(to move), pray for HIM(to intervene), and watch for HIM(to do what He does best..bring glory to Himself).

And tomorrow? I'll probably be back to obsessing about what's going on in our adoption...but hey, baby steps, right:)?

WARNING!!! Whining Ahead!!

I'm going to whine...so if you don't want to hear it, you might want to check out someone else's blog right now.

We got word today that our paperwork is STILL with the MOJ(6 weeks later)..has not been signed...and NOT in court....we don't know why. There have been no requests for more paperwork, etc..and we are very discouraged. We were told that the MOJ has 40 days to look over our dossier and sign it before turning it over to the courts(this is not what other families are experiencing that we know of). We are being told it may be mid-May before court...that puts travel at the end of June..6-8 weeks later than expected...5- 5 1/2 month process total since first trip..

I'm crying out to God for mercy right now...it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but when others at this stage are moving right along, it is devastating!!

Ava has a birthday at the end of June, and I'm heartbroken that she may spend yet another one in the orphanage. I fear she will forget us...that it's going to be harder to adjust for her...

I really need the Lord to increase my faith right now...cause I'm running low:(

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?(insert foot stomping here:))

It seems that every time we move forward a little, we get shoved back again...

Lord, give me peace right now, when I just want to rage against the world!!!!

Adoptive Family Stranded in Bulgaria...and other prayer requests

Today I'm asking for prayer for my bloggy friend Shelley who is "trapped" in Bulgaria with her newly adopted son, due to the volcanic eruption. She was supposed to come home on Sunday, but the airport in Sofia has shut down and as of right now, no flights are leaving Bulgaria until the flying conditions improve. She is stressed and her son is sick with some sort of respiratory infection and not getting better...please pray that God would settle this volcano so that they can get HOME and that her son would improve on the OTC medication she has with her.

Also, it has been seven weeks since the US Embassy accepted our I800 and we still have no court date, or any info on what the hold-up is..we are getting very concerned...and impatient. God has answered so many prayers throughout our adoption, and we are leaning heavy on Him now! Pray that we have answers soon, and that we will be able to travel soon to get our little Bulgarian Princess:)!

Also pray for the financing to come through for the last leg of our journey...we are concerned that with the volcano will come extremely expensive airline tickets..even through June...this we have NOT planned for..but we know God has:)!

Have any prayer needs? Post them here or go to my bloggy friend's Crazy Love Challenge at http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2010/04/crazy-love-challenge-2.html

Nothing New..again...:(

It's been 2 1/2 MORE weeks since we heard our paperwork was with the MOJ..total of about 5 weeks.. We don't know if it has been signed or not..we don't know if it's made it to a judge or not...we know NOTHING.. I'm so frustrated! I've been surprisingly patient and NOT worrying too much..but I'm at the end of that patience as of RIGHT NOW! God knows what's going on, He has it under control, but it sure would be nice to be in on that knowledge a little:)...no control issues here!LOL!

Hoping I'll have better news later this week for you!

Keep the Russian adoptive families in your prayers..they may have a mess to deal with in the aftermath of the latest "incident" involving an American adoptive mother...pray for accountability to be put in place in the Russian orphanages, so that children who are referred to families have accurate medicals, etc....although this may seem impossible given the cover-up that frequently takes place there...God knows their needs and has promised to "secure justice for the oppressed"! Let's stand in the gap for them! And let's pray this doesn't affect international adoptions in other Eastern European countries..namely, Bulgaria.